A new month, and with the calendar flip, planning for an adventure begins.
For too long, I’ve held on to this dream of writing a novel, but I even as I worked on the manuscript(s) for nearly a decade now, I filed is under the category of “someday dreams.”
This year, I’m owning it. It’s a goal - not merely a dream. It’s making a commitment every day to evolve as a writer. Whether it’s sitting down to add words to the manuscript. Or to jot notes in my journal about big picture thoughts, snippets of conversations, or questions to ponder for future writing. Or dig into some research. It’s creating an outline. And revising it. And sticking with it.
I just read this in Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis and what perfect timing:
For too long, I’ve held on to this dream of writing a novel, but I even as I worked on the manuscript(s) for nearly a decade now, I filed is under the category of “someday dreams.”
This year, I’m owning it. It’s a goal - not merely a dream. It’s making a commitment every day to evolve as a writer. Whether it’s sitting down to add words to the manuscript. Or to jot notes in my journal about big picture thoughts, snippets of conversations, or questions to ponder for future writing. Or dig into some research. It’s creating an outline. And revising it. And sticking with it.
I just read this in Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis and what perfect timing:
“A goal is a dream with its work boots on. A goal is a dream you’ve decided to make real. A goal is a destination you’re working toward instead of an idea you’re only considering or hoping for. Hope is a beautiful thing and an incredibly valuable tool to help keep us motivated and inspired about the possibility for the future. But let’s be very clear on this point: hope is not a strategy.”
No more hoping. Now it’s the doing (with work boots on! Maybe flip flops).
And yet. By talking about the writing, the risk of failing become real with each and every person who asks, “How’s the book going?”
I know this because I shared with very few friends and family that I was writing my first manuscript. And I’d always feel the weight of expectation when I’d admit “it’s there, I’m working on it… slowly, when I’m not __________.”
{The blank is filled typically by throwing myself 110% into library life. And other professional endeavors. Which have been so rewarding and wonderful. But forced me to put writing on the backburner, year after year)
But if I ever want to succeed, I need to own it. So risks and shame and fear be damned.
So I’ve invested in myself as a writer.
The initial investment has been time.
2018 was a hectic year for me professionally. I said YES to projects and presentations and partnerships that were amazing and fulfilling, but also drained me of any time to work on this writing dream. In December, I needed a reset button. My mind and heart and body needed to purge of unnecessary time-sucks. But when you’re used to working from 6:30am to 7 or 8 or 10pm, somedays telling your husband you don’t have time to walk the dog or take a shower, it’s really hard to change that pattern. It took work.
And yet. By talking about the writing, the risk of failing become real with each and every person who asks, “How’s the book going?”
I know this because I shared with very few friends and family that I was writing my first manuscript. And I’d always feel the weight of expectation when I’d admit “it’s there, I’m working on it… slowly, when I’m not __________.”
{The blank is filled typically by throwing myself 110% into library life. And other professional endeavors. Which have been so rewarding and wonderful. But forced me to put writing on the backburner, year after year)
But if I ever want to succeed, I need to own it. So risks and shame and fear be damned.
So I’ve invested in myself as a writer.
The initial investment has been time.
2018 was a hectic year for me professionally. I said YES to projects and presentations and partnerships that were amazing and fulfilling, but also drained me of any time to work on this writing dream. In December, I needed a reset button. My mind and heart and body needed to purge of unnecessary time-sucks. But when you’re used to working from 6:30am to 7 or 8 or 10pm, somedays telling your husband you don’t have time to walk the dog or take a shower, it’s really hard to change that pattern. It took work.
I started by reading Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist and oh was I SEEN in those pages. One my biggest burdens has been the fear of disappointing others by saying no to what is asked of me. What I learned in this text was every single yes I tell others, is a no to me and my goals.
"The no I said today is making space for yes, something I haven't had space for in a long time."
I don’t like letting people down. My job as a librarian is to be the one who helps solve problems, who can be a trusted resource in getting things done. I carry the role of responsibility with high regard. While important and justified, it didn’t need to be my only identity.
"What I eventually realized is that the return on investment was not what I had imagined, and that the expectations were only greater and greater. When you devote yourself to be known as the most responsible person anyone knows, more and more people call on you to be that highly responsible person." |
In January, I also knew I needed to take better care of my body and mind health. On a whim, I joined a yoga challenge when a friend posted about it on Instagram. Y’all. I’d been to 2 yoga classes… and had attempted a few poses on my own thanks to Pinterest. But Yoga with Adriene has been transformative. The commitment to do yoga every day in January was not just to clear my mind and build strength. Those were bonuses. Instead, I did this to prove to myself that I could carve out time to NOT work, NOT do chores, NOT succumb to other busy work and instead, serve my inner-drive. I completed it: 30 days of yoga! Some days I missed, and I would double down the next day. I always, always found a way.
That translated over to an adapted yoga schedule: 30 practices in 45 days. From February 1- March 15, I also wrote 23,000 words on my new manuscript.
Yoga practice after work created a buffer between work brain and creative brain.
That translated over to an adapted yoga schedule: 30 practices in 45 days. From February 1- March 15, I also wrote 23,000 words on my new manuscript.
Yoga practice after work created a buffer between work brain and creative brain.
Now, I’m able to sit down and punch out 1,000 words or so after work. WITHOUT the yoga buffer. In May, I added 21,000 more. I’m more than halfway to my first draft word count.
That’s how I know it worked.
And it’s been 5 months since I brought my work computer home.
Saying no to the additional projects and presentations have allowed for this time and creativity to be the core of my home life now.
That’s how I know it worked.
And it’s been 5 months since I brought my work computer home.
Saying no to the additional projects and presentations have allowed for this time and creativity to be the core of my home life now.
(To be transparent on my word count: this is what Brene Brown calls the SFD: Sucky First Draft! That means I’m hurrying to get the words down while the muse is here, but much work awaits in evolving this draft in the future! I’ve been on a Brene Brown kick, with Dare to Lead being the first I read in January, followed by Daring Greatly in March, and Rising Strong in May.)
Not only have I started investing major time, I’m putting it out in the universe.
I’m talking about it with more friends and family and colleagues and neighbors.
And also, the big investment, is a journey I’m taking.
See, the story I’m writing takes place in the amazingly beautiful and resilient country of Northern Ireland. Details will emerge later, but I’ve had a 20-year tie to NI thanks to a lasting friendship with Belfast native and “Irish Sister” Tina McHale. When Chad and I traveled to Ireland last summer, I made a point to visit Belfast again (first trip was during a violent time during the Troubles in 1997) and insisted we visited one of the most remarkable natural wonders I’ve ever seen, The Giant’s Causeway on the Antrim Coast. While there, we also played golf in Portrush (home of the 2019 Open Championship for golf. Watch in mid-July to see the beautiful northern coast!!). And I came home without realizing a story was marinating in the back of my mind.
Two days in the Northeast corner of the island made its mark on me, but now that I’ve started writing this story that’s rich in history, culture, and conflict, I want to do it justice. So 3 weeks from today, I’m headed back.
My mom and I will be spending 12 days in Northern Ireland doing research, asking questions, soaking in conversations and scenery, and developing this story. I will be blogging here, as well as sharing on Twitter (@MolleeBranden) and Instagram (MolleeBranden) - about the journey, but also the process of creating and revising the manuscript. Please follow along!
I’m sharing all this because I think there’s value in reflecting personally, and putting it out there for others who are chasing dreams, working to turn them into goals, and knowing we aren’t alone in what can be a lonely process.
This year, I’m acknowledging the work that must be done to turn a dream to a goal to reality. For ten years now, I felt the weight of frustration and disappointment with each birthday that passed, every New Year’s Day, and even a new school year that signaled a change of season with no book on the shelf.
So here, mid-year, I’m putting it out on the universe that I’m working hard. I’m doing what’s in my capacity to change that dream into a goal. Harnessing the courage to say yes to myself. To believe I can. To prove it.
Not only have I started investing major time, I’m putting it out in the universe.
I’m talking about it with more friends and family and colleagues and neighbors.
And also, the big investment, is a journey I’m taking.
See, the story I’m writing takes place in the amazingly beautiful and resilient country of Northern Ireland. Details will emerge later, but I’ve had a 20-year tie to NI thanks to a lasting friendship with Belfast native and “Irish Sister” Tina McHale. When Chad and I traveled to Ireland last summer, I made a point to visit Belfast again (first trip was during a violent time during the Troubles in 1997) and insisted we visited one of the most remarkable natural wonders I’ve ever seen, The Giant’s Causeway on the Antrim Coast. While there, we also played golf in Portrush (home of the 2019 Open Championship for golf. Watch in mid-July to see the beautiful northern coast!!). And I came home without realizing a story was marinating in the back of my mind.
Two days in the Northeast corner of the island made its mark on me, but now that I’ve started writing this story that’s rich in history, culture, and conflict, I want to do it justice. So 3 weeks from today, I’m headed back.
My mom and I will be spending 12 days in Northern Ireland doing research, asking questions, soaking in conversations and scenery, and developing this story. I will be blogging here, as well as sharing on Twitter (@MolleeBranden) and Instagram (MolleeBranden) - about the journey, but also the process of creating and revising the manuscript. Please follow along!
I’m sharing all this because I think there’s value in reflecting personally, and putting it out there for others who are chasing dreams, working to turn them into goals, and knowing we aren’t alone in what can be a lonely process.
This year, I’m acknowledging the work that must be done to turn a dream to a goal to reality. For ten years now, I felt the weight of frustration and disappointment with each birthday that passed, every New Year’s Day, and even a new school year that signaled a change of season with no book on the shelf.
So here, mid-year, I’m putting it out on the universe that I’m working hard. I’m doing what’s in my capacity to change that dream into a goal. Harnessing the courage to say yes to myself. To believe I can. To prove it.