It's 2:40 am. I've been awake for an hour thinking about last night, and being selected as the district teacher of the year. I woke up 2 hours after falling asleep, feeling quesy, wondering if it really happened, reliving the amazing night, and thinking (again) that they couldn't have possibly thought I deserve it.
I've read the news, scrolled Pinterest, and prayed for a big eraser to stop the thoughts from racing through my mind. Nothing's working yet.
My brain flips back on reflecting.
When I listened to 10 other principals talk about their candidates, I was reminded why I'm in this profession. It is full of the most passionate people who inspire others, make waves, and truly see their students as the faces of the future. I sat there and felt humbled to be in their presence, to share their profession, and feel the passion in the room. Knowing these teachers make their schools a better place.
Sometimes I'm too passionate. I plan lessons that fail. I get overwhelmed by my big ideas. I take things personal. I bite off more than I can chew. There are a handful of people that push me back on track, but 2 who hear me bemoan my frustrations and failures the most: Terri, the media assistant, and my husband, Chad. I know they, and my close friends, take those moments in stride, and see the positive outcomes of my enthusiasm. I'm grateful for them, so those insecurities and frustrations can be expunged and not left inside, unspoken, to rot and spoil my enthusiasm.
When I close my eyes again in a few moments, the words will still be there spiraling in my mind. I will tell myself to not worry about the sputtering and shock I felt standing in front of a room full of my colleagues and the Board of Education. That it's a honor to have my dedication recognized. But most importantly, that I get to wake up and do my job tomorrow. 700 students will be waiting for the library to be open in the morning, and I will be there to greet them (with bags under my eyes, hidden by stylish glasses!). There are books to be discussed, skills to learn, connections to be made. I get to slide back to where I'm most comfortable, and continue to be the champion for reading. I'm so fortunate to call that my job.